It's a crazy world!

author's note - this is not a suicide note! :)
All of a sudden there's a feeling of saturation, of having no better and new options in life! It may sound weird but it's true coz it's happening for real!
all of sudden why do I seem to be treading a road which goes on endlessly without the destination ever in sight!
It's clearly not a result of the market meltdown..so absolutely no take on the reasonas to why it's happening!
from confusions in personal life to those in my friend circles to those at the workplace, this world seems to be going crazy!
I can constantly see people pouring out their frustrations on some body else or those grappling with everyday issues which now seem to have become their sore point of life!
there's so much negtivity around that it hits ur nervous system and sends a totally unwanted and dangerous chill down ur spine.
People seem to be searching for answers to questions never asked before (including me) I ,for one, seek a reason for working the way we do..which is purely for existence but has no or little meaning attached to it!
I wonder if all this is due to the monetary issues that people are facing or the world is in a frenzy!
That's all I can pen down right now..am seriously at loss of words for more on this topic..there's just room left for more introspection and self realization!

Person A ko itna gussa kyun aata hai????

"You 6 or 7 guys are trained on all the processes ..do u guys also have one person trained on all the processes for ur client like in my case ?? u know when I went on leave I had to come back and then do all work pending for all those days!" commented (read boasted) this cab mate (person A) of mine 2 days back on our way back home.

This other cab mate of mine (also my team mate) and I didn't quite know how to praise or to even describe our work profile for two reasons - 1) person A was just unreceptive and 2) our job profile is just so vast and indescribable(which I realized tht very moment) ..but the fact of the matter remained - why did person A have to behave in such a manner?

On doing some introspection of the matter, I suddenly realized one thing - as soon as the two of us (my team mate and me) board the cab, we start off discussing the events of the day which some how leaves this person longing for our company or bores this person or ....god knows whtever!

I wonder what triggered the desperation for this person to finally voice his/her opinion or to vent out the frustration or the anger......want for attention is not always good and people still go to forbidden levels to achieve it!

anways this person just chose to ignore us even yesterday and responded only to the driver and the 4th cab mate (who apparently is thoroughly confused by this incident and hence was left from the story line above)

I kept on bothering mysself with the unnecessary nuances of probing into the matter and trying to bridge the newly created distances but was amazed to hear the response from my team mate on disturbing him with my analysis. "What the Hell" is all that came back as the reply..

and now to come to think of the matter..alongwith our everyday tensions and life that is exorbitantly complicated, instead of thinking about the issue againI would rather say myself -

"What the F***!"

My 5.5m long debacle!

I'm usually a sport for shopping sprees but the 12th of October, 2008 and on top of tht a Sunday, began a little different!
My morning began at 11:15 am precisely when my dad after attempting to pull me frm my beautiful dreamy slumber to the ugly real world, finally had to resort to lose his cool..that was the first spat!
The second one was with mum who blasted me for not sleeping on time the previous night.

And then the final ordeal bagan..

Already in a bad mood, I barged in the showroom with a resolution to pick the first good saree that I came across! Yes,u heard it right! I went for saree shopping for the Diwali celebration at office the next week!

My mum and I finally reconciled inside the first showroom that we went into as we could not behave like total strangers and because my anger had cooled down to a -10 degree celsius. while the salesperson showed miles and miles of the Indian national dress and at the same time getting irritated with my reluctant and confused behaviour!

Like this,we visited one more showroom with great expectation of finding my dream attire..which ofcourse remained a dream until I stepped out of there!

Both the showrooms showed me endless varieties of sarees with different patterns,colors, handwork,etc. But alas! my confused state of mind conveyed my answer and increased their frustration.

The third showroom gave me the final respite and after a few moments, we agreed on 2 sarees,a black and a creamish thingie and I obviously picked up the black thing!

The ordeal is far frm over..today was only abt buying it..the bigger challenge is yet to come..to drape it around yourself neatly (n to keep it intact :-) ), wear matching jewellery, make up,come to office, sit around for 8 hrs and try to look graceful!

So much for being a woman!

But perhaps this experience has atleast reiterated a thought for the need for me to be more decisive abt things...coz every thing in life is not as easy as picking up a 5.5 mlong saree and not about having multiple alternatives..there are zillions of real life events where a late decision could make or break life forever..something that I've and I am already experiencing..............

Why do things have to change?

Today as I saw one more colleague of mine finally going his own way and heading to a diff direction (read diff state), a strange feeling crept up inside me..

I was just wondering how difficult it is to come out of ur sweet little comfort zone and enter a new phase of ur life..it must be so painful n unnerving to get acquainted with a diff breed of ppl in a totally alien place..

I've faced this situation so many times in my life..have been to several places, changes several homes..made and ditched so many frds..

but life at office is somewhat special esp if it seems like a second home to u..u come across the same old regular faces every single day in front of whom there's no need to pretend or to even put ur tiny brain to work to think before uttering any shit!

U laugh, cry, celebrate, bitch around with ur frds.

but all of a sudden when u have to leave all these comforts for ur own sake..for ur own prosperity..it must feel terrible to even consider moving on..

I kinda tried putting myself in his shoes and tried to imagine a life outside my "second" home and u knw what..I felt choked n unnerved n confused n apprehensive..

Why do all gud things have to come to an end..why do relatonships have to go up n down the creats n troughs of life? Why do ppl have to change? Why do their opinions change abt u so easily? Why do u suddenly need to make everyone around u aware that ur still alive or literally beg them to leave u alone in ur not so good times..?

all these r questions which humans will never be able to answer without going thru the experiences themselves n even then finding themselves unable to answer!

Thats it for now, folks!

Boredom!

Ever wanted to do nothing?? yes, I know it's every individual's dream to have to do nuthing yet enjoy life's pleasures...but we are speaking about boredom in life..n not in work(coz this one's too natural to happen)..so there I was at 1:30am in the morning trying to lull myself to sleep,switching TV channels (in vain..coz TV sucks these days esp when ur at home!) and then I tried listening to songs on radio which again are so repetitive that u cud guess what they are gonna play next!

Then I thought ant talking to my friends..one of them already sleeping and the other too busy to respond to me! so after doing nothing yet trying to do something to get rid of doing nuthing..I finally created my profile here and posted my 1st ever blog! yeah..it feels lot more better now..I have achieved sumthing finally!

Now, I really wanna thank the TV channels, radio stationsand my beloved friends coz I cud finally figure out an innovative way of expressing myself!